The Year of Restoration - Goodbye 2018

2018 has been quite the year. I have felt some of my lowest lows and experienced restoration and the highest highs this year. On November 12, 2018, I decided to fast food and social media. I would love to go into detail on why fasting should be a regular thing in our lives as followers of Jesus and why God calls us to fast, but it would make this post extremely long and I will save that for another day lol. My intent with this post is to share the simple, yet powerful testimony of my fasting experience this day.

Below is an entry in my journal from this day that I have fasted. I wanted to leave it as it was written and raw to keep the authenticity and tone in this day-long period of tiredness from the day and physical hunger. I blanked out some names in the photos just to keep the privacy of the people ;) I know a lot of it is jumbled and does not make sense but I did not really have the brainpower at this time of the day (approx 21 hours of fasting at this point) to be fully grammatically correct lol. But I think part of the power that comes through testimony is being 100% vulnerable and unedited… so here it goes:

“I decided on my way to work today that I would fast. "Fasting is God's alignment plan, and not His dieting plan." I wanted to pursue the Lord today specifically because I want to transform my heart to look more like His.

[Song Playing: Passion – Live by Hillsong Young & Free]

Lord, God I come to you tonight I seek your goodness and your character. God thank you for being by best friend. You were there with me at the beginning of this year when I felt so lonely and I wanted to pursue you but I had seemed like I had forgotten how. Lord, thank you for being that constant, my desire always. God thank you for delivering me and giving me a new community at Lifegate Church! God through the first person I met and the last & everyone in between. They are the answered prayer that I did not know I prayed. God thank you for setting me FREE from the spirit of loneliness & that I can walk in that freedom & not be bounded by it anymore! Jesus Christ I thank you for renewing me.

God I thank you for the specific people in my life. The new welcoming souls & people.

[Song Playing: Always and Only by Red Rocks Worship]

Honestly, I don’t deserve anything but the way I was welcomed into the LG community, is just a glimpse of the way you welcome me (us) into your kingdom family. Thank you for adopting us. God show me your heart.

always & only

It has always been you! Jesus you are all I need. Thank you for community where I am free to come and gather as one unit!

community

My desire is to know you, Lord.

God I am hungry, but I need my heart to know what my head knows. You’re the king, you sustain me, God you fill me with living water so I will never thirst again. Lord you give me your life and you are the bread of life who sustains me. God, teach me, I am listening.

[read Psalm 116 out loud]

“when I was brought low, he saved me.” v.6

“return to your rest my soul.” v.7

“I will sacrifice a thank offering to you.” v.17

[song playing: You satisfy by Upper Room Music]

^^^^^^^^^^ WOAH!!!

“What do I have need of, now that I know you? For every time I’m with you, I never leave empty!” “

This was the first time I read through this and rewrote it. It is a sweet reminder to me of how powerful God was that day. I can tell that I was so hungry to know His character and heart. And since then, he has been showing me that. He is the God of His promise!

The songs I played (some noted) were from a worship night playlist I made over a year ago and intended to play them at the next group worship night I hosted (which never happened). But God placed those songs in my heart to put in this playlist A WHOLE YEAR AGO and knew that I was going to need to hear these songs in that specific order on this day. **sobbing uncontrollably**. He has always been refining me and always will be. Even through little moments where he tells me to put a song on a playlist. Here’s a link to the full playlist on my Spotify.

Then Psalm 116….. ummm more tears rolling… brace yourselves. The Lord told me to read this psalm out loud this day. I can’t tell you exactly how I knew but I just knew I needed to read it – you know when you just know. As soon as I started reading it out loud, the tears were flowing because it is like it was written for me or by me. This psalm describes perfectly the testimony of this whole year 2018 with it being such a struggle, having the feeling of being tangled in loneliness, and the Lord bringing me through that and being able to praise him unapologetically, freely and in an undignified manner for the world to see. So sweet that God showed me this. I will keep this psalm & day in my heart forever.

1 I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. 2 Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.

3 The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow. 4 Then I called on the name of the Lord: “Lord, save me!”

5 The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. 6 The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me.

7 Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

8 For you, Lord, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, 9 that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living.

10 I trusted in the Lord when I said, “I am greatly afflicted”; 11 in my alarm I said, “Everyone is a liar.”

12 What shall I return to the Lord for all his goodness to me?

13 I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord. 14 I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people.

15 Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants. 16 Truly I am your servant, Lord; I serve you just as my mother did; you have freed me from my chains.

17 I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the Lord. 18 I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people, 19 in the courts of the house of the Lord— in your midst, Jerusalem.

Praise the Lord.

With that, 2018 has been a year of restoration & renewal. And on this day, God showed all of that to me. I am thankful for the trials of this year, because through it I have been refined & He still continues to. Feeling beyond blessed, restored, and deeply known by God, and still believing the best is yet to come.

Here’s to 2019!! Excited to see what God will do this year because … won't he do it!!

x CRYS